Today is February 7th. It’s sort of a big deal. It is the day that my husband and I celebrate with a special dinner. It’s kind of our valentine’s day and it is truly very meaningful.

Valentine’s day means nothing to me. Today means the world to me.

See, my husband grew up in France. Smoking was very common practice back then in the 1980s. He would buy loose tobacco and roll his own cigarettes and smoke like so many of his classmates. His father used to smoke as well. He died of lung cancer at the young age of 63.

When my husband and I were dating, I loved everything about him. He was a brilliant chemist, a philosopher, an athlete and the most compassionate man I had ever met. Except that he used to smoke. I cared less about the smell and the actual act, but I was painfully aware of his risk of developing lung cancer along with so many other things that could shorten his life and his time with me. If I were to build a life with this man; if we were to have children together, it sort of had to stop.

I remember that I had a dream one night back then. A vision if you wish. We were sleeping in our bed and there were two small children lying down next to us. He woke up and started coughing up blood unexpectedly. It would not stop. It scared the children. I was mortified.

The next morning, after I had told him about my dream, I remember telling him that I cannot be with a man that actively does something that can lead to his early death. I wanted him to quit. Truth be told, he had wanted to quit many other times in the past. But he kept going back on his own word and started smoking again.

But after that conversation, he said he would try to quit one more time.

It was February 7th, 2004.

Now, he is a non-smoker. For the past 17 years. Not a single cigarette.

As a life coach, I try to work with my clients to help them go from where they are in their life right now and get to their future self. It is amazing to try to think about changing your life with the advice and wisdom of your future self.

See, if my husband knew that he would remain a non-smoker for 17 years, his future self would talk to him and say:

“You can do this. I’ve seen you do it. It is as good as done.”

But our brain gets all caught up with what we cannot do.

We cannot lose the weight, because we judge our ability based on what we have done so far. And what we have done so far has failed us.

We even say: if the past is any indication…

Well, if he were to think of his past, guess what? He wouldn’t try to quit. Precisely because his past self failed to achieve the goal he wanted to have: to be a non-smoker.

To create meaningful changes in our lives and to achieve goals we want to achieve, we need to reach out to our future self and get help that way.

It’s hard. Our brain can’t see that it’s possible, because it uses its past experience as evidence of what it can and cannot do.

If you have never ran a marathon, the first time you sign up for a race your brain says: What? 26.2 miles?

Guess what happens after you run your first marathon? You sign up for another and the brain doesn’t fight you as much. She knows you can do it. You have done it already.

That’s what I would come in. I can picture your future self doing whatever it is you imagine you want to have in your life and I believe in you.

I believed in my husband. I did not want him to change. I knew he wanted to quit smoking. I knew I wanted him to quit smoking. Had he kept smoking, his past self would have ended up getting lung cancer like his father and we would have all acted helpless.

But we are not helpless. We are all in the driver’s seat of our own life.

To smoke or not to smoke.

To live intentionally or live a life with our hair on fire.

For you to have a goal and a meaningful destination for your life, try to reach out to your future self and give your current self advice.

Whatever you have plans for yourself: believe in yourself.

There is no downside in believing in yourself. There is every downside in assuming you cannot do it.

Failing before starting.

So how do you want to live your life?

I hope if you set an intention to have a meaningful and purposeful future, you pick February 7th.

I will celebrate it with you. Every year. Next to my husband. The non-smoker. The athlete. Year after year.

With so much love and Aloha.