“It will happen to all of us that one day you’ll be tapped on the shoulder and told — not just that the party’s over– but slightly worse: the party’s going on, and you have to leave. That’s the reflection, I think, that most upsets people about their demise.”

-Christopher Hitchens

I don’t know about you, but I like nothing more than listening to this man speak. It doesn’t matter if you believe in his ideology or not (he was a self proclaimed atheist), but as someone who could argue his points so eloquently and use beautiful metaphors to describe the most simple human experiences. Listening to him having a debate with anyone was a magnificent show.

His book on “Mortality” is a really good one. It’s a short book but a truly profound one. I love reading someone who was very articulate describe radiation and its side effects. Not just what it felt like, but what it meant to him metaphorically.

I was working with a client today. She is truly not enjoying her life. Her relationship could be improved. She could stop holding a very old grudge, but she simply wouldn’t. Even though she was deeply unhappy, she chose to stick to a set of thoughts that made her feel stuck and ‘non-moving’. What had happened in her life was unfair and unpleasant and she could not let it go. She would not. She would not show up differently in her life, but she was expecting those around her to do so.

“Live and let live” had not crossed her mind.

She said she wanted to move on but she couldn’t.

Sometimes, we feel like we are unable to make decisions. What we don’t realize is that not making a decision, is actually the decision we are making. What if we were able to sit there accepting that we are choosing NOT to make a decision.

The beauty of thinking of it this way is that this angle helps us realize we do have the power. The power of not making the decision. It’s within our control.

Yet we continue to let it fester.

I had a patient who for the longest time believed that he had pancreatic cancer. He kept going to different doctors and they couldn’t find anything wrong with him. Finally, after many years, he had a CT scan which showed an abnormal spot, he followed it up with a biopsy and it was confirmed that it was actually pancreatic cancer. He told me that day he almost felt relieved. He could not handle all the anxiety and worry. It was better to know and have confirmation than to suspect and worry. Also, in the most bizarre way, this new diagnosis also relieved him of any other ‘problems’ he had in his life. Wanting a bigger home, a better car, get in shape and get a handle on his finances: nothing mattered anymore.

Think of what kind of hell he was living in that a confirmation of a cancer diagnosis gave him some relief.

It made me think of the party analogy.

So I told my client today:

“Listen, you are sitting in this party called life. You can have a miserable time while someone else could be having a great time. You get to decide. You can make it hard for yourself or you can accept the bad music, the mediocre food and still have the best time of your life. But I promise you that if you sit in the corner and pout and complain about everything, you will have a terrible time at this party. All while, someone else could have a blast sitting right next to you.”

To have a complete and enjoyable life experience, we have to appreciate this very moment. Just as it is. Not wondering if it could be better. Not compared to how it used to be. Not imagining how it can be a better experience next year. Or if the music was better. Food could be improved. The drinks could be colder.

You decide how you will show up in this party called life. If you are going to enjoy it or not, because as Christopher Hitchesn so eloquently put it, “one day you’ll be tapped on your shoulder, not to be reminded that the party is over, but that it is still going on, but you have to leave.”

Enjoy this party called life, before it’s too late.

So much love to you.