“I dreamed I called you on the telephone
to say: Be kinder to yourself
but you were sick and would not answer
The waste my love goes on this way
Trying to save you from yourself

I have always wondered about the leftover
energy, water rushing down a hill
long after the rains have stopped

or the fire you want to go to be from
but cannot leave, burning-down but not burnt-down
the red coals more extreme, more curious
in their flashing and dying
than you wish they were
sitting there long after midnight.”

-Adrienne Rich

Today I wanted to talk to you about a pretty powerful idea: Impermanence.

It is really best known for its role in the Buddhist tradition in three marks of existence. In the Western philosophy they refer to it as ‘becoming’, as opposed to being. I am going to spare you any deep philosophical discussions on a Monday morning, but stay with me.

In the Buddhist tradition, all physical and mental events are not metaphysically real. They are not constant or permanent, they come into being and dissolve.

All things in this world:

“They come into being and dissolve.”

I love this so much. If you thought of this world like that, how would you live it?

I am going to use my snorkeling experience this past week. Some of you may know that I try to put away my phone over the weekend. A couple of weekends ago, I had gone snorkeling and someone here had commented that she wished I had got a little footage of my experience.

Well, guys, ask and you shall receive! I had purchased a waterproof case for my iphone when we moved here, but had never used it. I remembered her voice when I was packing up and thought this time I will try to get a little video.

As I was trying to figure this out on the beach, my husband was telling me how the iphone’s touch feature is somehow heat sensitive and won’t engage under water. I teased him that he should not mansplain any further and I will figure it out. Turns out he was right, but I also managed to figure it out.

The whole idea of snorkeling with a camera around my neck was giving me a sense of anxiety. As soon as I would see a school of fish, I would have to get out of water, punch in my passcode, because the face recognition wouldn’t work with a mask, then I had to turn the video on and then get in the water again. Then when I wanted to stop, I had to come up to push the off button. A good number of times by the time I had taken these steps the fish would all be gone. I have some great footage of telling you:

“Oh you are all going to love this!”

Dove in and all the fish were gone. So funny.

Impermanence.

The fish come and go. That is what I love about snorkeling. While you are seeing beautiful and colorful fish all over the place, the time when a whole school of hundreds of fish start dancing in front of you comes and goes.

I just realized that this little phone camera was getting in the way of me being in the moment. I was either looking very eagerly to find odd water creatures (Zebra eel, spindle fish, parrot fish and boxer fish to name a few that I saw today) or I kept hoping the clarity of the water would be good enough so you could appreciate what you were looking at.

I am pretty sure this is the last time I am taking a video of my snorkeling.

Meditation is a little like that.

It’s not for anyone other than you.
You breathe in, hold it, you breathe out.
You focus on one thing, or focus on nothing at all.
If you are distracted, you go back to the breath.
It is so easy. I wish I could teach you how easy it is.
Just like snorkeling.
Sometimes, it is fantastic and you have a sense of wonder.
Sometimes, it is just the breathing in and out that is the wonder.
Snorkeling is like that.

When I look at my apple watch, my heart rate during snorkeling is about 5-8 beats slower than my base heart rate.

That is what slow rhythmic breathing can do for you.

We snorkeled for about two hours and it felt very peaceful and centering.
Except for the phone and its case dangling around my neck.

I decided to go back to the shore and tried to capture another little video for you. In this one, I came across the Hawaiian fish I had mentioned here before: Humuhumukunukunuapua. So I followed her and got you another little video.

You can see her in this video.

Then we went to the shore, I left my phone with the girls and went back and snorkeled some more.

I like impermanence.

Every experience is different. I don’t have to keep a memory of it. I like that if I blink it’s gone.

That is how life is and once we come to accept that, we will enjoy life so much more.

It was National Daughter’s Day on September 25th. People posting pictures of their beautiful daughters asking: Where did the time go? As in they wish it was still 10-15 years ago. Somehow maybe they did not appreciate it enough or as much the first time around.

I am happy my girls are older.

When they were little they were so dependent on me. I remember the first time I took my little one snorkeling in Mexico. She did not like wearing the goggles and salt water made her cry. I would hold her hand and snorkel next to her, while she was in a life jacket head above the water and crying nonstop.

Sweet memories, but I am not sure I miss those days.

I like impermanence.

Makes me appreciate life more. I know this time she snorkels with me and dives in the water and kicks me in my face with her fin carelessly as she goes deeper. Telling me the name of all the fish that I don’t know.

I know soon she will be gone to college and I will be just snorkeling with my husband.

She will have a life of her own. Starting her own new chapter of an exciting life.

I celebrate her. I celebrate every moment. But I accept that these times will be gone. Whether I am miserable or I am loving every minute, this very day will pass and will be a memory.

Once I understand that, I will love this life so much more. I will show up for every single minute. Every time together. This is my life with all its little pieces. I will make the puzzle that is meaningful to me. That is all I have and all that I have to leave them with. The memories of our days together and how they felt this very day.

Not the photos or my bad videography.

Impermanence. Let’s celebrate it.

So much love to all of you.