“We cannot change the direction of the wind,
But we can always adjust our sails.”

-One of my patients who went home to hospice after being diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer

I have often told you that one of the most beautiful parts of my job is to experience love and generosity. This is the love that is shared by the patient with their family. As well as the love of the family shared with the patient.

Not talking about in situations where love exists already. I am talking about estranged children moving back to the islands to take care of their dying parents. Parents who were less than loving to them growing up.

When we start meeting the patient with their families, after addressing the patient and getting to know them, we ask the family:

“What kind of dad was he?”

It is not uncommon that what is shared is less than loving.

He was a very strict dad. He didn’t let us do anything. He was not a very emotionally expressive father. He was working all the time.

But yet, here they are, taking the best care possible of their dying father. The stoic, quiet man getting all the love and attention in the world.

How lovely is that?

What a great gift to give back to your family member who was less than loving to you.

Hawaii is obviously heavily influenced by the Pacific Islander and Asian cultures. They deeply care about and respect their parents. Grown children leave their college and jobs from the mainland just so that they can be back home caring for their dying parents.

How beautiful is that?

How much love can you handle? It can’t be easy, but it feels good to observe this. It makes my heart sing.

I am often asked: How can you practice palliative care? It must be so depressing.

It is truly the opposite. The amount of love and generosity that I see exchanged at the end of life nearly blows my mind.

Imagine loving that deeply. Forgetting the past that may have not been laced with niceties. Loving what is today. Without holding grudges or keeping scores.

What kind of life would we be living in if we always operated from that place in our hearts?

Regardless of the hand we are are dealt, regardless of the storm in the sea,

“When we can no longer change the direction of the wind, we can simply adjust our sails.”

I want that for you.

Living intentionally, having a sense of acceptance. A sense of allowance of whatever this life may be throwing at you.

Take it in. Allow yourself to love unconditionally whenever there is a chance to do so. And once in a while, if you are so lucky, I want you to be the recipient of the same love. With grace. Whether you deserve that deep love or you don’t. Take it in.

With so much love and Aloha to you.